DaddyCast #204 – ADDebate

The DaddyCast Episode 204

A Podcast for Parenting from the Hip!

The ADDebate – have nearly a million kids been misdiagnosed with ADD just because they were the youngest in their class?  The USA Today Article and more details from
Science Daily.  Also, Point – Counter Point and Health Central – Just Diagnosed.

What is ADD and what are the causes?
The ADDA Site
Health Central’s take
Real World Examples from Yahoo

What are the drugs doing to our kids?
Slate Magaizine – a week on Adderal
Drugs and your mind

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The Magic of Coincidence

Coincidence is a magical thing.  It typically is something that happens once and is special primarily for that very reason.  It is nearly impossible to replicate and often, is best preserved in our memories.  In fact, if we are too driven to try to recreate a special event we may ruin our enjoyment of the first coincidence.

A few weeks ago Jen had a Sunday afternoon soccer game.  The game, part of her Coed Summer Outdoor Season, was played at a local park on some wonderful fields.  On this particular day they had closed a couple of the fields, probably due to preventing over use and to keep them in good shape by giving them a rest.  Plus it was a little wet out (a rare treat this Summer) so perhaps they wanted to avoid them being torn up by cleats.

As usual, we took the boys with us to the game.  When they got there they were full of energy so we told them to run around on the closed field next to Jen’s game.  They took off their shoes and ran around like mad men.  My youngest kept his socks on but for the amount of fun they were having, we figured a pair of sock tossed because the dirt would never come out was a small price to pay.

But their fun was elevated several notches when the step children of one of Jen’s teammates started to play with them.  The four of them (my two boys and a boy and girl that joined them) ran and tagged and played during the entire soccer game.  They couldn’t stop.  Even after the game, exhausted as they were, they were convinced to chase balls while the other two kid’s step dad punted the ball out on the field (and he could really punt the ball).

The boys had a great time, the other kids seemed to also.  They were so tired they hardly made it back to the car.  It was a classic moment for them.  A true coincidence and unique time where everything came together to create a playful, fun moment.

In the following weeks the boys asked if the other kids were going to be at the games.  Sadly, they were not for the next couple of weeks and the season ended.  But even if they were, would the fun be the same?  Would they be able to recreate the excitement and energy and experience that they had that day?  I don’t think so.  I think that was one of those moments.  An isolated incident that had all the right chemistry – kids who were new to each other, an open field to play in, it wasn’t too hot or raining and they had time to get used to each other and create games.

So, were they better off not seeing the other kids so that the memory of that day lives on without tarnish?  I won’t go that far.  I think if they had been able to play with them again they would have had fun.  But the uniqueness of that day, the special magic that it brought, will now live on for how ever long as just that, a special time that was unique.  It will be a coincidence that will be a part of some great memories for the Summer of 2010 and be something to build on but not something that they realize they could not recreate.  Because for now anything is still possible and anything can happen the next time.

That is a great feeling, very liberating, and a lesson we should learn for many things in our life.  Don’t stress on recreating special moments, be good with memories of the ones you have had and create new ones but don’t be so driven to recreate the coincidences that you taint them.  Remember that for our kids many moments are special because they involve us, their parents, and most of them are new to them.  Let that be something they can keep unique and exciting.  And use that to inspire them to move onto and try new things.  Inspiration can be found all around us but don’t expect them to see it without help.  Even coincidence isn’t obvious to young minds.

DaddyCast #203 – Combat Fear with Freedom

The DaddyCast Episode 203

A Podcast for Parenting from the Hip!

Combat Fear with Freedom – how a little independence can go a long way. With some tips on Raising an Independent Kid from
Fatherhood.org.

Temper your temper – how to keep you cool when you really want to lose it. Tips from AllProDad.com.

Help to overcome obstacles. No, not you, teaching your kids. Tips once again from AllProDad.com.

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My Athletic Supporter

No, not an article about a jock strap.  This is about our well touted family support for athletic events.  I have mentioned before that we have a philosophy that we all support one another.  Whether is it a soccer game, tennis lessons, a 10k, or now, a duathlon, we are a family committed to being there for each other and being supportive.

A lot of it goes back to Jen’s memories as a kid where she and her siblings would attend each other’s events.  With an older brother and an older sister, she was the attendee for many years but as she started to participate, the same rules applied.  Her family was very active in all manner of athletics throughout the school years and beyond.

What brings up this topic again is the support I got from the family at last weekend’s duathlon.  Specifically, my youngest encouraging me during the last 100 yards on a day that would reach 105 degrees and a race in which I was struggling.  Without his encouragement, I definitely would not have finished the way I did.

A little background- I took up running a few years ago to participate in a few 10k and 5k races with my wife.  She got into it (or back into it, she was a runner in high school) and so I wanted to be able to go with her.  This year, I decided to take on a new challenge and try a duathlon.  With the National Duathlon Festival held in Richmond this year, it seemed like the perfect opportunity to give it a try and participate in a training team that would keep me motivated.

Training for the April race started in January.  We had roughly 3 months to train and get used to running after riding distances that were beyond my typical, leisurely bike ride.  The race distances for the DuNats was a 5K run (3 miles) a 24 mile bike ride (3 times around an 8 mile course, that included some steep hills) and then another 5K run.  Training included over 100 participants with various skill sets and physical aptitude.   I was one of the few who took on the challenge with a mountain bike, a decision I later regretted and resolved with the purchase of a much lighter, better geared road bike.  Although we experienced one of our most snowy Winters, we were able to get out most weekends and maintain a training schedule throughout the week that proved to progress us toward race readiness.

On race day it was more humid than normal and I did a poor job at hydration.  The primary lesson learned was that Gatorade or some sports drink with salt in it to keep the fluids in my body was a necessity.  I took in a lot of water but was sweating it out as fast as I was drinking it.  Near the end of the first lap of the bike course (about 7 miles into the 24) I started to cramp and had to pull over.  I wasn’t sure if I could finish the race, my hamstrings were constricting and simply standing was nearly impossible.  After about 5 minutes on the sidewalk of a bridge, I was able to stretch out my legs enough to get back on the bike, not sure if I would be able to go much further.

I completed the lap but once again felt the cramping coming on.  I stopped, stretched and got back onto the course.  I realized that taking it easy was going to be the only way I could continue.  Of course, with this being a national event, there were plenty of participants whizzing by me so I did my best to stay out of the way and try to maintain a speed that would keep me from pushing it too far and into more cramps.  I had to stop to stretch my hamstrings out again on the second lap but was able to finish the third lap, tentatively, without incident.

The final run was rough.  Now not only were my hamstrings feeling it, my quads were cramping too.  I took on water and after talking with one of our training group coaches who was also participating, tried to get some Gatorade on board.  It was too little too late but I was able to run/walk it in and complete the second 5K about 5 minutes slower than the first one in which I had run.  Once I crossed the finish line, I found a place to sit down and then my legs completely spasmed- quads, calves, hamstrings and hip flexers.  Jen was there to cheer me on and encourage me as much as she could but it took a while to get back up and get back to walking.  It was a new experience in many ways, not all of it good but you learn from those.

So, for last week’s duathlon (Rocketts Landing Duathlon) I made a few changes.  First, I began using a road bike that I purchased just before the DuNats but had not trained with enough to feel comfortable on for the DuNats.  The difference was amazing- the bike is super light, easy to pedal up hills and with clips, easier to maintain performance (although clips have left me on the ground still clipped in a few times, I’ve gotten used to falling).  I also trained with a group (folks from our original training group who were more my speed on the bike) and we road the course several weekends to get used to it.  Prior to the DuNats, I had not ridden all 24 miles.  For the Rocketts duathlon, I had at least 6 full rides under my belt before race day.

The Rocketts Landing race was conducted in conjunction with a triathlon and was olympic distance.  This meant while the triathletes were swimming, we were running 2 miles.  Then we all rode 25 miles and ran a 10K (6.2 miles).  Richmond has been hit with a hot Summer and the day before the race it was 105 degrees with the humidity adding another 5-10 to the “what it feels like”.  The race started at 7AM but it was already 80 degrees out and humid.  I felt good about my training, about my equipment and was ready to race.  Maybe a little too ready.

My first mistake was taking on too much food prior to the race.  During a typical bike training ride I would eat a packet of strawberry PopTarts and be good.  Knowing I was going to be at it for a while, I added an energy bar and some energy gummies, in addition to Gatorade with an added salt/potassium powder formulated for athletes who tend to cramp (I felt I fell into that category).  Well, the gummies seemed to put me over the edge.  About a mile into the 2 mile run I felt like I was going to show everyone those gummies.  I had to walk it off a bit and hope that the bike ride would give me time to digest the junk.

The ride did help.  My stomach felt better and I felt good on the bike.  The only issue was that with my stomach upset, I was not taking on fluids like I should have.  About 2 thirds of the way through the bike ride I felt like I hit a wall, my energy bars and breakfast had run out, I was running on empty (except my stomach still didn’t want to take more on).  I pushed through the course eventually posting my best moving average out of all my training (17MPH average, no Lance Armstrong but decent for me).  But near the end of the ride, I felt the first indication of cramping in my quads.

As I dismounted the bike (and got out of the clips without falling), my legs began to cramp again.  I sat down to change into my running shoes and wasn’t sure if I could get back up.  Jen and the boys were standing outside the transition area and sharing encouragement over the fence.  I was able to get up and start to run, but not too far.  After about half a mile I had to stop and walk.  I tried to stretch out but the cramping wouldn’t go away.  So I walked at the fastest pace I could without increased pain and setup to complete the 6 miles course.

It took me an hour and a half to complete those 6 miles.  During my walk on the course I passed a few people while they were walking, and many ran past me.  Every time I tried to pick up a running pace, my legs (quads and later calves) would hold me back.  It just wasn’t my day.  As I approached the final stretch to the finish line, Jen and the boys were there to cheer me on.  They shouted out encouragement for me to run it out but I motioned that I could not, that my walking pace was all I had.  But they didn’t take no for an answer.

Once I got up to where they were cheering from the sidelines, my youngest started running and yelling “Come on, run with me.  You can do it.”  I took a timid stride and did my best to not stress or strain in any way that would invoke a cramp.  With him hopping along with me from just off the course, I took another stride and another.  I was able to pick up the pace and avoid cramping by contorting my running posture in some odd ways (probably looked pretty strange) and cringing along the way.  But his encouragement had moved me, literally.

As we approached the finish line I could hear the announcer call us in.  ”Here comes a Dad and his son running with him”.  That felt great.  I completed the race at a jogging pace and truly felt like I had given it my all.  Once the volunteers removed my timing band and shoved a few cold sponges down the back of my shirt, I walked over and met the family.  They continued to be full of words of encouragement as I was hard on myself for not performing as well as I had hoped. They made me feel like their hero and I was happy to have them as my supporters.

From this experience I learned a lot about race prep- take in energy over time, not all ahead of the race.  I think this also applies to many things in life- prepare for the long haul, don’t try to charge up for a sprint.  And perhaps think things through before you act.  But perhaps the greatest lesson is to remember your support team, feel free to lean on their encouragement and that inspiration can be a powerful tool.  Use that tool with your parenting and accept it when it is coming back at you.  You can still be a hero in their eyes!!

DaddyCast #202 – Newborn Tips

The DaddyCast Episode 202

A Podcast for Parenting from the Hip!

Tips for parents with newborns – your tired, it is all new, it can be scary. Here are some tips from the experst online and from the trenches. Even some from me, from the hip.

Links used in the show:
- 5 Tips from essortment.com
- Notes for Moms and Dads from the New York state Health Department
- Newborn Tips from ParentConnect.com

Thanks to Bill from work for sharing his experiences from the trenches.

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Life’s a Beach

You’ve seen the Corona commercials.  Sitting in a couple of chairs on the beach.  Tossing the cell phone into the waves or opening your cerveza with your friends bluetooth earpiece.  The beach symbolizes a relaxing, carefree environment.  But that environment is void of kids!!

If you have followed the show and blog for any time you know that our beach vacation is nothing calm and carefree.  It is typically an action packed week of activities ranging from golf, go carts, target shooting and of course all the typical beach activities.  Not that I am complaining, it is a ton of fun and what you would expect from a group of adults who can’t sit still for a long time.  Granted, we all like to just sit and stare at the ocean for a little while, but we can’t spend too long idle when there is so much we can do with the kids.

I’ve always known that my oldest appreciates structure.  He is the routine guy.  He likes rules (unless they require more work out of him) and likes to know what is coming up, what we are doing and being able to plan.  What I didn’t think about was how this played over into our vacation.  In the past few years we have taken the kids out to the beach one evening for relay races and some photo time which typically included building a human pyramid out of kids (although there has always been on extra kid for a 6 man pyramid so that hasn’t exactly been perfect).

This year we had scheduling issues that prevented all the family from being there all the time. One of my nieces is on an All-Star Softball team that was preparing for the state tournament so she and by brother-in-law were only able to make it down for one day.  My other niece was also playing in a state softball tournament the weekend after beach week so she and my sister-in-law had to leave a couple of days early.  One nephew had a lacrosse tournament in PA that weekend, another had a baseball tournament somewhere (I finally lost track) so they both left a day early.  All this led to a change in the routine that caused us to run out of time to fit everything in.  We got in the beach time, a couple of rounds of golf (for the adults, not kids golf this year), a morning of tennis for the kids, go carts and of course beach time but missed out on the relay races and pyramid.  My oldest was not happy.

Routines are great, especially when you are starting out as a parent.  It gives a sense of normalcy and if we didn’t have a good routine for school day mornings, I would need a lot of counseling.  And again, I was surprised at how much it seemed to impact my oldest, even on vacation.  But I also think it is good to break the routine from time to time, to teach our kids that being flexible and able to adapt is important too.  Life is full of surprises (to take from Allstate) so being able to deal with change and not be stuck in a routine is a valid skill that will help them now and even more later in life.

I plan to go more into this topic on a podcast (yes, still intend to record a few of those, time has been crunched) but would also like your feedback on how routines have helped you and if you see flexibility as important?  Comment here or send me an email at DaddyCast@gmail.com.  You can also leave an audio message on the Hotline: 804-SOS-LATE (804-767-5283).

DaddyCast #201 – Summer Safety

The DaddyCast Episode 201

A Podcast for Parenting from the Hip!

Listener and Supporter Andy sent along some information regarding “Shallow Water Blackout”- a serious but fairly unknown issue with swimmers,
divers and techniques used for staying under water longer. To read it for yourself, check out the document I review on the show at http://www.nzunderwater.org.nz/pdf/me.swblackout.pdf.

The Backyard Campout – we had to wait a week for better (ie more comfortable) weather but we setup our tent and slept in the wild of the backyard. It was a lot of fun and I feel we will be doing it again soon (perhaps in the Fall when this crazy heat dies down a bit).

Camp and dogs eating homework – of course homework doesn’t belong in Summer stories but somehow we pulled it off anyway!!

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Use Dcast8, Dcast9 and Dcast10 to get other special discounts at GoDaddy.com and see
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My dog ate my homework

I strive to make sure that my boys have the chance to experience all of the stereotypical childhood joys.  A few years ago I piled up leaves and let them (and a few neighbor boys who looked at me like I was crazy) jump and play in the pile to their hearts content.  In the snow it was snow angels and snowmen.  We have planned, although record heat delayed those plans, for the classic backyard campout, after a few family room campouts.  And, without even trying, we achieved the notorious “dog ate my homework”.

The way this happened was surprising, to say the least.  First of all, it is Summer.  There is no school.  So why homework?  Well, much to my surprise when we signed my youngest up for soccer camp and paid for his week of fun, soccer camp includes homework!  He came home the third day with a project to find out three things about England, the team he was assigned to for their World Cup Camp Tournament, and as such, his team would get extra points for finding out facts about their team country.  Easy enough with Google and Wikipedia available.  But, the next night he had to create a country flag with special prizes for the largest, smallest and most creative.  Big was out of the question (to pull off in a couple of hours that night) and small just seemed wrong, so we sought the creative, for which he seemed to already have a plan.

He wanted to make a flag out of Rice Krispie Treats but without all the proper ingredients (like Rice Krispies) we found ourselves a little too crunched on time for that one.  He also wanted to do something with Gummy Bears.  So, we get a piece of cardboard, some tacky glue left over from a school project, a bottle of Gummy Vitamins (that my oldest won’t take) and marshmallows.  With these we were able to pull of the flag of England (not the British flag mind you, the England flag that is simply a red cross on a white backdrop).

So flag made out of food, with the title, you can see where this is going other than the fact that we are currently “between dogs”.  This week, to help coordinate the week of camp (more to come on that in a future post and podcast), Jen’s mom is staying with us and with her are her two dogs.  We love having the dogs around and they are a lot of fun, but they also tend to keep us on our toes regarding what food we leave out.  The older of the two labs has a tendency (actually more of a habit) to climb up on the kitchen chair and grab food from the table.  She is pretty sneaky, and pretty quick.

My youngest noticed the dogs sniffing and looking up at the table when we were working on the project and he noted that we probably wanted to place it high for the glue to dry.  So we put it on top of the fridge for the night.  The next morning we got it down, cut out the flag from the larger-than-necessary piece of cardboard and affixed a flag pole to it with the hot glue gun.  I set the finished flag on the table to dry.  For a few seconds while the boys brushed their teeth and I sat down at the laptop in the next room, the project was unguarded.  Just for a few seconds.  But that was enough.  By the time I realized what was happening and got back into the kitchen the dogs had the flag on the ground and had all but licked off a second of marshmallows.  Luckily no Gummy Vitamins were consumed but the flag looked a little worse for wear.

We were able to fix it pretty easily and decided it was best protected for drying in the car.  He didn’t win most creative for the project but I am pretty sure he had the best story to tell.  And we fulfilled another stereotypical event in a child’s life- check another one off the list.  I guess now it is time to take advantage of the cooler weather and break out the tents for the backyard but first, we have to make sure the campground is free of dog items, and any extra Gummies.

Don’t blame the kid

Sunday afternoon we stopped by a local dining spot for a Linner (late Lunch, early Dinner). As we walked in we passed a group that was seated at a corner booth – 4 blond women and two children, one who looked to be 10-12 with an arm in a sling and another who appeared to be 5-6. The younger child made a motion like he was throwing something in our direction (we were actually walking behind the booth and elevated about 4 steps above them with a half wall between us). What I didn’t know at the time was that he actually threw something (perhaps a piece of his bread?) at us and hit my wife!!

Our first reaction was that the kid was simply obnoxious. But after a few minutes of observation, we realized that not only was he obnoxious, but his mother was completely clueless! He was out of control, walking away from the table, up the stairs and around the half wall – all the way to the front door as far as we, or his mother if she cared, could tell. Occasionally she would call for him but even when he didn’t respond (likely because he was well out of ear shot) she would continue on with her conversation, never getting up or looking too concerned.

After watching him crawl under the table, stand on another of the ladies’ purse, and yell loudly (luckily Linner is not a crowded time at this establishment), Jen and i remarked several times about how well our boys were being. Sure, it is all relative but I was more than relatively pleased that the wild child was not ours.

After the other group left, we made sure to compliment out boys on their good behavior. We believe in taking notice and making mention of the good and the bad. But we also agreed that as much as the kid was the focus of our attention for throwing food and running wild, it was indeed the mother with which we were most astonished. It was her that we felt was responsible for the poor display of control and discipline. Shoot, forget discipline, simple courtesy and etiquette in a dining room. Take charge, take control and be the parent. Pretty simple, right?

Not acting like a drip in response to one

I remember working on cars at my job during high school and being told that we were working on the second most expensive possession for most people. Second only to ones home. So, when we came home last weekend after an afternoon out watching soccer, running errands, etc., to find water dripping from our kitchen ceiling, we went into a mild state of panic. Panic does not put your mind in a state to act properly, even if it is mild, and the leak made me freak.

The boys were trying to be helpful, hanging around, watching closely and telling me what they were doing, what I should be doing and what was going on around us. The constant chatter and commotion caused by all of this in addtion to the leak, the emergency call to my father-in-law and the chaos all the above created was more than I could handle. I didn’t yell at the boys or anything that out of line but I did ask them to go away for a little while, to hang out in their rooms and to be quiet so I could listen for running water and drips.

The boys didn’t seem to be too worried about it, they seemed equally concerned about our ceiling and the state of the leak. But afterward, as is often the case when we look back at our actions and regret the way we handled things, I felt bad. I made sure to spend some time with them once the dust settled and we would calmly talk about the leak, the holes created in the ceiling to track down the leak (ended up coming from the master bathroom toilet) and what we were going to do next. It was enough to put their minds at ease and helped me to do the same.

The old habit of counting to ten would have come in handy had I thought about it then. It would have made sense to do something to center myself, to take a breath and think about my reactions before I made them. Sure, we don’t always do what is sensible in times of urgency but that is why we must practice it often, so that when time comes to use it, being calm and thinking is our natural reaction, not going straight to crisis mode. Beause that only makes us look like a drip.