You’ve seen the Corona commercials.  Sitting in a couple of chairs on the beach.  Tossing the cell phone into the waves or opening your cerveza with your friends bluetooth earpiece.  The beach symbolizes a relaxing, carefree environment.  But that environment is void of kids!!

If you have followed the show and blog for any time you know that our beach vacation is nothing calm and carefree.  It is typically an action packed week of activities ranging from golf, go carts, target shooting and of course all the typical beach activities.  Not that I am complaining, it is a ton of fun and what you would expect from a group of adults who can’t sit still for a long time.  Granted, we all like to just sit and stare at the ocean for a little while, but we can’t spend too long idle when there is so much we can do with the kids.

I’ve always known that my oldest appreciates structure.  He is the routine guy.  He likes rules (unless they require more work out of him) and likes to know what is coming up, what we are doing and being able to plan.  What I didn’t think about was how this played over into our vacation.  In the past few years we have taken the kids out to the beach one evening for relay races and some photo time which typically included building a human pyramid out of kids (although there has always been on extra kid for a 6 man pyramid so that hasn’t exactly been perfect).

This year we had scheduling issues that prevented all the family from being there all the time. One of my nieces is on an All-Star Softball team that was preparing for the state tournament so she and by brother-in-law were only able to make it down for one day.  My other niece was also playing in a state softball tournament the weekend after beach week so she and my sister-in-law had to leave a couple of days early.  One nephew had a lacrosse tournament in PA that weekend, another had a baseball tournament somewhere (I finally lost track) so they both left a day early.  All this led to a change in the routine that caused us to run out of time to fit everything in.  We got in the beach time, a couple of rounds of golf (for the adults, not kids golf this year), a morning of tennis for the kids, go carts and of course beach time but missed out on the relay races and pyramid.  My oldest was not happy.

Routines are great, especially when you are starting out as a parent.  It gives a sense of normalcy and if we didn’t have a good routine for school day mornings, I would need a lot of counseling.  And again, I was surprised at how much it seemed to impact my oldest, even on vacation.  But I also think it is good to break the routine from time to time, to teach our kids that being flexible and able to adapt is important too.  Life is full of surprises (to take from Allstate) so being able to deal with change and not be stuck in a routine is a valid skill that will help them now and even more later in life.

I plan to go more into this topic on a podcast (yes, still intend to record a few of those, time has been crunched) but would also like your feedback on how routines have helped you and if you see flexibility as important?  Comment here or send me an email at DaddyCast@gmail.com.  You can also leave an audio message on the Hotline: 804-SOS-LATE (804-767-5283).

The DaddyCast Episode 201

A Podcast for Parenting from the Hip!

Listener and Supporter Andy sent along some information regarding “Shallow Water Blackout”- a serious but fairly unknown issue with swimmers,
divers and techniques used for staying under water longer. To read it for yourself, check out the document I review on the show at http://www.nzunderwater.org.nz/pdf/me.swblackout.pdf.

The Backyard Campout – we had to wait a week for better (ie more comfortable) weather but we setup our tent and slept in the wild of the backyard. It was a lot of fun and I feel we will be doing it again soon (perhaps in the Fall when this crazy heat dies down a bit).

Camp and dogs eating homework – of course homework doesn’t belong in Summer stories but somehow we pulled it off anyway!!

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Get the show: DaddyCast-201.mp3

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I strive to make sure that my boys have the chance to experience all of the stereotypical childhood joys.  A few years ago I piled up leaves and let them (and a few neighbor boys who looked at me like I was crazy) jump and play in the pile to their hearts content.  In the snow it was snow angels and snowmen.  We have planned, although record heat delayed those plans, for the classic backyard campout, after a few family room campouts.  And, without even trying, we achieved the notorious “dog ate my homework”.

The way this happened was surprising, to say the least.  First of all, it is Summer.  There is no school.  So why homework?  Well, much to my surprise when we signed my youngest up for soccer camp and paid for his week of fun, soccer camp includes homework!  He came home the third day with a project to find out three things about England, the team he was assigned to for their World Cup Camp Tournament, and as such, his team would get extra points for finding out facts about their team country.  Easy enough with Google and Wikipedia available.  But, the next night he had to create a country flag with special prizes for the largest, smallest and most creative.  Big was out of the question (to pull off in a couple of hours that night) and small just seemed wrong, so we sought the creative, for which he seemed to already have a plan.

He wanted to make a flag out of Rice Krispie Treats but without all the proper ingredients (like Rice Krispies) we found ourselves a little too crunched on time for that one.  He also wanted to do something with Gummy Bears.  So, we get a piece of cardboard, some tacky glue left over from a school project, a bottle of Gummy Vitamins (that my oldest won’t take) and marshmallows.  With these we were able to pull of the flag of England (not the British flag mind you, the England flag that is simply a red cross on a white backdrop).

So flag made out of food, with the title, you can see where this is going other than the fact that we are currently “between dogs”.  This week, to help coordinate the week of camp (more to come on that in a future post and podcast), Jen’s mom is staying with us and with her are her two dogs.  We love having the dogs around and they are a lot of fun, but they also tend to keep us on our toes regarding what food we leave out.  The older of the two labs has a tendency (actually more of a habit) to climb up on the kitchen chair and grab food from the table.  She is pretty sneaky, and pretty quick.

My youngest noticed the dogs sniffing and looking up at the table when we were working on the project and he noted that we probably wanted to place it high for the glue to dry.  So we put it on top of the fridge for the night.  The next morning we got it down, cut out the flag from the larger-than-necessary piece of cardboard and affixed a flag pole to it with the hot glue gun.  I set the finished flag on the table to dry.  For a few seconds while the boys brushed their teeth and I sat down at the laptop in the next room, the project was unguarded.  Just for a few seconds.  But that was enough.  By the time I realized what was happening and got back into the kitchen the dogs had the flag on the ground and had all but licked off a second of marshmallows.  Luckily no Gummy Vitamins were consumed but the flag looked a little worse for wear.

We were able to fix it pretty easily and decided it was best protected for drying in the car.  He didn’t win most creative for the project but I am pretty sure he had the best story to tell.  And we fulfilled another stereotypical event in a child’s life- check another one off the list.  I guess now it is time to take advantage of the cooler weather and break out the tents for the backyard but first, we have to make sure the campground is free of dog items, and any extra Gummies.

Sunday afternoon we stopped by a local dining spot for a Linner (late Lunch, early Dinner). As we walked in we passed a group that was seated at a corner booth – 4 blond women and two children, one who looked to be 10-12 with an arm in a sling and another who appeared to be 5-6. The younger child made a motion like he was throwing something in our direction (we were actually walking behind the booth and elevated about 4 steps above them with a half wall between us). What I didn’t know at the time was that he actually threw something (perhaps a piece of his bread?) at us and hit my wife!!

Our first reaction was that the kid was simply obnoxious. But after a few minutes of observation, we realized that not only was he obnoxious, but his mother was completely clueless! He was out of control, walking away from the table, up the stairs and around the half wall – all the way to the front door as far as we, or his mother if she cared, could tell. Occasionally she would call for him but even when he didn’t respond (likely because he was well out of ear shot) she would continue on with her conversation, never getting up or looking too concerned.

After watching him crawl under the table, stand on another of the ladies’ purse, and yell loudly (luckily Linner is not a crowded time at this establishment), Jen and i remarked several times about how well our boys were being. Sure, it is all relative but I was more than relatively pleased that the wild child was not ours.

After the other group left, we made sure to compliment out boys on their good behavior. We believe in taking notice and making mention of the good and the bad. But we also agreed that as much as the kid was the focus of our attention for throwing food and running wild, it was indeed the mother with which we were most astonished. It was her that we felt was responsible for the poor display of control and discipline. Shoot, forget discipline, simple courtesy and etiquette in a dining room. Take charge, take control and be the parent. Pretty simple, right?

Where is that water coming from?

Originally uploaded by LoveHouse Radio

I remember working on cars at my job during high school and being told that we were working on the second most expensive possession for most people. Second only to ones home. So, when we came home last weekend after an afternoon out watching soccer, running errands, etc., to find water dripping from our kitchen ceiling, we went into a mild state of panic. Panic does not put your mind in a state to act properly, even if it is mild, and the leak made me freak.

The boys were trying to be helpful, hanging around, watching closely and telling me what they were doing, what I should be doing and what was going on around us. The constant chatter and commotion caused by all of this in addtion to the leak, the emergency call to my father-in-law and the chaos all the above created was more than I could handle. I didn’t yell at the boys or anything that out of line but I did ask them to go away for a little while, to hang out in their rooms and to be quiet so I could listen for running water and drips.

The boys didn’t seem to be too worried about it, they seemed equally concerned about our ceiling and the state of the leak. But afterward, as is often the case when we look back at our actions and regret the way we handled things, I felt bad. I made sure to spend some time with them once the dust settled and we would calmly talk about the leak, the holes created in the ceiling to track down the leak (ended up coming from the master bathroom toilet) and what we were going to do next. It was enough to put their minds at ease and helped me to do the same.

The old habit of counting to ten would have come in handy had I thought about it then. It would have made sense to do something to center myself, to take a breath and think about my reactions before I made them. Sure, we don’t always do what is sensible in times of urgency but that is why we must practice it often, so that when time comes to use it, being calm and thinking is our natural reaction, not going straight to crisis mode. Beause that only makes us look like a drip.

In following the 2010 FIFA World Cup, it was almost refreshing to hear the England Head Coach state “That’s football” during the post game interview after the 1-1 tie with the United States. His statement was in response to the keeper mistake that allowed the US goal and to the eventual tie. One might expect the coach to be more colorful, to be more animated, to react in a more emotional way. But he didn’t, he all but dismissed it entirely and I think there is a lesson in that approach.

The sooner we can get our kids to realize that some things just happen, they are just life and by the way, life isn’t fair. The sooner they can accept that not everything happens for a reason, at least not an obvious one, the better. Society has turned to excuses and reasons for any failure, trouble or even triumph. There always has to be something to blame. Or does there? Can’t we just chalk a few things up to “That’s football”?

Sure, there are times that we want to stress that we are in control of our destiny, we have the tools to do something, to make better decisions, but we also want to make sure that the inevitable “That’s life” is an option sometimes. Finding the right balance may be part of the challenge, you don’t want to reason out everything to nature, but in my mind if we can avoid finding the cause or excuse for everything that goes wrong you are making strides to put your kids in control of their own lives. We are responsible for what we do, what we allow to happen to us and how we react to it. The Blame Game gets us no where.

So sure, “That’s Football” is a great frame of mind that diffuses the situation and allows everyone to move on to the next chapter. I am all for it. Enable everyone to learn from the past but don’t let it control how we react to the future. Hat tip to England’s Coach.

The DaddyCast Episode 200

A Podcast for Parenting from the Hip!

The show reaches another milestone – 200 shows done. We celebrate with my inspirations, the boys themselves. They have quite a bit to say, although it takes some encouraging to get them to step up to the mic.

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Have Fun Parenting

Get the show: DaddyCast-200.mp3

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LoveHouse Radio- Podsafe Music to soothe the Daddy’s soul

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Felt the urge to post about our weekend- maybe it is for the boys to read when they are older and have kids of their own and understand why we were so tired all the time. But tired with a smile on our face because we set forth to do it all. Sometimes we are sorry for getting as close to that as we do.  Consider this an oversize Twitter post.

Friday night started out with our 15th anniversary dinner.  Jen said all she wanted was dinner so I obliged with a couple surprises. One was the limo- we went in style and the boys got to ride to Mimi’s house in the limo (although they didn’t seem to appreciate it as much as I would have thought- in fact, they nearly refused to get in the car since they didn’t know who it was or why it was in our driveway, then they played their DS games most of the ride across town, somewhat oblivious,but there was mention of telling their classmates about it later) which will likely be a memory buried deep in their heads. Dinner consisted of another surprise- we had an appetizer at one restaurant, the main course at The Copper Grill (our favorite place for steaks) and planned to have desert at a third place but were stuffed from the first two courses and decided to call it a night.

Saturday we retrieved the boys from my mother’s, ran a couple of errands and spent the afternoon at home. The boys played with a neighbor while I finally spread the mulch that has been piled in our driveway for 2 months and Jen worked around the house. Saturday evening we went to the Goochland Drive In theater and saw the new Shrek movie. We had planned to camp out on the screened-in porch that night (part of our transgression into camping) but opted for the living room floor since we got home late. Sleeping on a floor is rough, I moved to the couch around 1:30 AM.

Sunday morning I took my new road bike out for a ride and got in 12 miles. It was my first round of cycling with the new bike (and clips) and the only road distance I have gotten in since the duathlon. After my bike ride, we loaded up the family bikes and headed to Charles City for a ride on the new Capital Trail- a section of 7.5 miles is open and we took it on en mass. Since my youngest is not yet used to his wheels, he rode on the tandem bike that I towed behind my mountain bike- luckily the Capital Trail is fairly flat. Sunday afternoon was supposed to be a tennis clinic but that was rained out so we moved on to the next activity, a cookout at a friend’s house. Jen had a night out with “The Girls” so the boys and I hung around the cookout until the heat and lack of sleep finally got to them. We headed home and vegged.

Monday, Memorial Day, Jen took her turn at cycling with a friend and I talked the boys into recording some audio for the next DaddyCast. We hung around the house with a couple of excursions to the pool for an hour or so each and some general relaxing and busy work to get ready for the week. Three day weekends sound nice during the work week but they almost make you happy to get back to the grind when you fill them up with activity. Well, maybe not quite that bad – a busy day at home still beats a slow day at the office.

Another “better late than never” post – honestly, I am trying to keep up!!

The DaddyCast Episode 199

A Podcast for Parenting from the Hip!

Work-Life Balance: finding balance to maintain your career goals but find time for the family can be tricky. Look ahead, what will you look back and wish you had done more of? Associated article from thefatherlife.com

Is it possible that your kids are as good off or better at daycare? Might help if you are feeling guilty. Article Referenced

Sad but almost funny – the nosey neighbor seeks advice and gets it- “Mind your own business!” – Check It Out

Support the show, support the sponsors- check out an offer for PetMeds and save.

Great offer for domain registration and hosting through GoDaddy-
Use Dcast8, Dcast9 and Dcast10 to get other special discounts at GoDaddy.com and see
which one works best for you. Find out more at My Mevio Promotions Page- and the hosting deal is back – save 20% on hosting with code Daddy20H!!

Join The DaddyCast Facebook Fan PageFacebook.com/DaddyCast- we finally got our URL!!

Join in on the fun- e-mail me – DaddyCast@gmail.com – or call – 804-SOS-LATE (804-767-5283)

Have Fun Parenting

Get the show: DaddyCast-199.mp3

Find the Feed on Podshow- http://www.podshow.com/feeds/thedaddycast.xml

Join me on Twitter – Twitter.com/DaddyCast

Please be sure to check out my other podcasts:

LoveHouse Radio- Podsafe Music to soothe the Daddy’s soul

Thanks for listening, send feedback to daddycast@gmail.com or call the hotline- 804-SOS-LATE

Bike Gear

Originally uploaded by LoveHouse Radio

We have been encouraging my youngest to learn to ride his bike without training wheels since last summer. We even bought him a new bike that fits him better but isn’t designed to attach training wheels. As an active family, this is somewhat self serving and as the one who has to pedal for both of us on the tandem bike setup, it is very selfish of me. Thus the investment.

In talking about riding he has revealed that his fear is around falling. He is worried about getting hurt and as such, most of his attempts to ride are hampered by his fear and reaction to any unsteadiness (which leads to more unsteadiness and so on, you get the point). So he suggested that if he had pads that he would feel more comfortable and safe to try to ride. It was our “AHA” moment.

Although we haven’t yet been out to ride for real (he has spent quite a bit of time with his bike hooked up to one of our indoor trainers, where he can pedal and not fall over), we are optimistic. The trip to the sporting goods store set him up with a new helmet (skateboard style), elbow pads, knee pads and gloves (for good measure). The idea is to make him fee safe and to make sure if he does fall, he will learn that it is no big deal, you just get back up and try again.

This approach can be applied to many things in training our kids. If they object to something, find out why, what are the real underlying reasons? Then address that. Make them feel comfortable and safe. Setup an environment where they can experiment without getting hurt. If they can try and fail then try again, it teaches persistence and alleviates fears of the unknown in new areas.

Now I am not sure how this applies to things like trying new foods or trying to do their homework earlier but I am sure there is a stretch that will work for that too. Perhaps something silly like wearing a helmet to dinner (not when eating out) as symbolism to protect them from carrots!!! Whatever it takes, finding out what they are worried about and what is limiting them will hopefully reveal a path to address it , adapt and overcome. Providing a realm of comfort will open up opportunities to try new things, and allow them to grow in new areas of their life, developing into a well rounded person you know they can be.